Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
