I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
