So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
