Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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