i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
