i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
