ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
