oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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