if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
