At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need moral support for this bender
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
