I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize