there was a trapeze. enough said
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
