Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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