I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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