I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
