please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
