after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I stole a fireplace last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
