he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
you never un-have a 4some
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
