i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
