I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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