question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
