The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
