You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
