He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
