How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
