Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
