i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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