Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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