Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
