There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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