I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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