It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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