Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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