i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
