It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
