that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
