I'm so fucking centered right now
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
