Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
