Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
