I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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