My liver just broke up with me...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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