The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
