4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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