if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize