the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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