Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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