can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
