Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just cropdusted the office
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
how does that bad decision feel?
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