return my video game
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The air was thick with penises
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
