if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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