but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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