i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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