I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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