There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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