Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
