I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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