Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
