4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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