I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
