I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
