When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well you can't waste a boner
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im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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