i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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