We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My cat gives me a boner
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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