the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
