Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
