there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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